“Mirror mirror on the wall . . .”
That’s the beginning of one of the most well-known phrases from one of the most well-known European fairy tales. The Wicked Queen who utters this commanding question (“Mirror, mirror on the wall, who’s the fairest of them all?”) jealously guards her beauty and renown–and goes to great lengths to protect herself from ever being seen as second best. One gets the sense from this kind of reaction that something beyond a sense of her own beauty drives the queen’s actions–its as if insecurity tears at her heart with dark claws. She sees herself in a particular way, and needs the magic mirror to somehow prove that self-understanding wrong.
Why am I even bringing this up?
Because our parishes are filled with Wicked Queens and Wicked Kings whose self understanding and self image is wounded and broken. Some of them have their own magic mirrors, talismans that help them keep their hyper-critical demons (psychological and otherwise) at bay: gossip, alcoholism and drug addiction, an unbalanced quest for personal wealth and business success, sexual conquest and addictions (including pornography and extra-marital affairs), cutting, eating disorders–to name only a few.
Most of these folks suffer in silence, deafened by the voice of the Accuser who speaks lies over their lives and convinces them that a holy and loving God could never love them. These men and women have moved beyond simply a sense of feeling guilty and come under the bondage of shame. Guilt says “I made a mistake,” but Shame says “I am a mistake.” There are a great number of our brothers and sisters who are convinced that there is something essential about themselves that makes them unlovable and beyond the reach of God’s salvation.
I would say that a redeemed self-image is the number one thing that people who come seeking prayer for healing need. And as men and women concerned with spreading the Gospel of Jesus, we must recognize that a profoundly wounded self image functions as “rocky soil,” it is a barrier that prevents the seed of the Gospel from taking root in people’s hearts. It is difficult to receive the mercy and love of your Eternal Father when you are absolutely convinced that there i something entwined into your very being that makes you unlovable.
I should know. I was a Wicked King once–but that is a fairy tale retelling for another time.
Where is Our Prince Charming?
The heart of the Gospel message directly contradicts the lies which bind the wounded self image. God created us out of an abundance of love–not out of a deficiency (of company or interesting things to do, for example). Human beings were the only part of God’s creation that He brought into being for their own sake. Everything else was created to serve this new creature called Man. Or, as Pope Emeritus Benedict XVI put it so powerfully:
All is created from the Word and all is called to serve the Word. This means that all of Creation, in the end, is conceived of to create the place of encounter between God and His creature—a place where the history of love between God and His creature can develop
The history of salvation is not a small event on a poor planet, in the immensity of the universe. It is not a minimal thing which happens on a lost planet. It is the motive for everything, the motive of creation. Everything is created so that this story can exist—the encounter between God and His creature.
Reflect on that for a moment–and be amazed.
God created us as embodied spirits, and, therefore, every other facet of Creation, down to the last fermion, hadron, and bosun He brought into being so that you and I (and every human person) can experience His love and offer Him our own.
Each of us matters.
Scripture delivers even more insight. In Jeremiah chapter 1 verse 5, the Lord says, “Before I formed you in the womb, I knew you. The hebrew word for such knowledge does not refer to simply knowing about someone. Rather, it signifies a deep, understanding that penetrates to the depths of a person. That’s why the word know in scripture was often used to refer to sexual union. In the Gospel of Luke, after the angel Gabriel delivers the Lord’s message that Mary would give birth to the messiah, she responds: “How can this be, since I do not know a man?” (Luke 1:34).
Therefore, when the Lord says that He knew us before we were formed in our mother’s wombs, we must see the absolute radical nature of this proclamation. God’s desire to be in relationship with us, His dynamic and boundless love, was so powerful, that He would not wait until we were conceived. The Father held each of us in His heart and contemplated us from Eternity. How great God’s joy must have been when at last we were conceived and could begin now to experience and reciprocate this love. How the Father must have danced and rejoiced at the first division of our cell, the first fluttering beat of our heart, the first spark of dendrite and neuron.
The Father’s love for us is so great, that when our First Parents’ disobedience ruptured their relationship with God and destroyed the divine life within humanity, He refused to let His children perish. Rather, he sent His Son, who left the glory of Heaven and subjected Himself to the power of death so that He, through obedience and humility, could destroy death forever. And now, he sends His Body, the Church, into the world searching for the lost so that the joy of His kingdom and the power of the Father’s Love would be experienced by all.
Each of us is so precious to the Lord that He endured suffering and death for us. The Cross, therefore, is both instrument of salvation and sign of our value to the Father.
Where Can I Find That Kind of Love?
It is, of course, important for everyone to both hear the gospel and come to know the Person of Jesus. However, for those whose self-image is wounded, both proclamation of the kerygma and personally encountering this love of God are essential. Often, before they can truly hear and respond to the Gospel message, this love must be incarnated for them. Such personal experience of the love of God through other Christians will act as a bridge of trust and we should intentionally build upon that to help these men and women respond to God’s grace and move through the pre-discipleship thresholds. For them, this personal encounter will gradually confront the woundedness of their self-image and help them see to the reality of who they are and how precious they are to God
For most parishioners, whose main contact with the Church is the parish, this will often take place within some element of parish life–and so we must be deliberate in our attempts to foster this kind of incarnation. The actions that I will list below are foundational, meaning that you can use them no matter what event or process you are undertaking (i.e., Alpha, Discovering Christ, Bible Studies, Parish Missions, Evangelizing Retreats, etc.):
- Develop a welcoming team with members who have charisms of hospitality, pastoring, service, encouragement, and even evangelism. If the event does not take place in a church, make this group responsible for setting up and preparing the room for the event. Also, insure that they are the “front line” for greeting attendees and “send them forth” to mingle if there is time for fellowship. This doesn’t excuse the rest of us from extending the hospitality of Christ, but it does make sure that God’s welcoming presence is communicated supernaturally. People who feel isolated because of shame or a sense of being unworthy experience real healing when they are welcomed as Christ would welcome them.
- Invite these folks to begin the Called & Gifted Discernment Process and set them on the discernment path. As they begin to discern specific charisms, surround them with Encouragers. Remember that their wounded self-image may make it more challenging for them to hear and receive positive feeback. Helping them encounter their giftedness is a positive step on the journey of healing their self-image.
- Encourage them to acts of service for the poor and suffering, and then lead take some time afterwards to reflect on the experience. Highlight for them areas where you saw them acting as the hands and feet of Christ. You may need to help them recall the fruit of their specific actions.
- If they are participating in events with small groups, make sure that you place them in a small group with someone who a leader/facilitator who is aware of their general struggle and who may have a charism of pastoring, encouragement, or hospitality.
- As trust and friendship begin to develop, invite them to receive prayer and then connect them with prayer teams whose individuals possess intercessory prayer, encouragement, healing, prophecy, or discernment of spirits. If their wounded self-image comes from dysfunctional family relationships, traumatic events in childhood or adulthood, or tragedy, invite Jesus Christ into those places and see what He wants to do.
There are many ways to surround someone who has a wounded self-image with love and encouragement. The reality is that their healing and openness to the Gospel is likely to be part of a journey that takes time. If we are really serious about our desire to share the Good News, then we, as individuals and communities, have to commit to walking with these men and women for the length of their journey. As we do, however, we may just find some hidden mirrors of our own and, through the grace of God, release them in His mercy.
Inside every Wicked Queen is a holy Princess whose identity is rooted in the Eternal King. Inside every Wicked King is a Prince Charming made in the image and likeness of His Loving Father. We must become Holy Mirrors of God’s redemptive Presence.
And help them truly see.